Perspectives

I believe I have the best nieces and nephews in the world. They are kind and respectful, they are intelligent and independent, outside of them being intelligent they are very intellectual.  I love hanging out with them and having light and meaningful conversations with them.  The best part about it is that, as I say to them always, my conversations, my advice and consuls are no less than what I would have with my own children.  I find that I always take something away from our convos to contemplate on which brings me to the topic of this post. 

Perspective: a mental view of prospect; the interrelation in

which a subject or its parts are mentally viewed or point or view; the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative mportance.

diagram from metro.co.uk

  ~Dictionary

       I was in the kitchen one day naturally I began singing as I moved about and having a good go at it apparently, not loudly but distinctive enough to draw attention to myself. My nephew said surprisingly, “aunty you can sing, you can really sing.” I blushed and was taken aback as I did not realise, I was that audible and responded stuttering, “well I guess so”. My nephew had never heard me sing before and questioned me about it and it opened a door of conversation I had not had in a while. Realising that this was as good a time as ever to address it particularly for myself, I shared my story with them.

A much younger version of myself really did sing and I loved it. Trying not to sound boastful, I was a soloist, a song/worship leader carrying soprano to tenor and sometimes alto.  Being able to sing I believe was an unexpected gift and I embraced it for what it was, ‘a gift from God.’ In my late twenty’s early thirties, I remember discarding this gift from God, because of my distorted perspective at the time.  My perspective became clouded causing disappointment and eventually walking away from a means that God had given me to share his truth and bring comfort to others while honouring him. I loved singing and even wrote a few songs and attempted to set them to music. I even played the keyboard yes, I did, and I read a little music- more about this later.  The truth of my gift became a bit distorted and a ploy by Satan to kill all the potential that was wrapped up in the gift of music.  

Before every performance/ministering session I always prayed asking God to use me and let the message of every song be heard loud and clear.  I enjoyed it but I dreaded the attention it brought to me and I began to dread performances.  The last concert I remember participating in was a great success, largely attended and the audience was engaged and having a grand time. So, what was my problem?  I also took notice that they were praising me a whole lot and that made me uncomfortable and afraid.      

As I shared my reasons with my nephew and niece they listened intently, and this is the wisdom of what they ventured to share with me:     

"Not everyone will react or respond in the same way, and it does not mean you are doing anything wrong.  Some might have been carried away by you and your voice but there were others who were indeed enjoying the message and music.  To some it may have been a performance and to others it was ministry."  

At the time I took away only the negative, but they helped me to see that there were so many positives I could have taken away also. 

When I stopped singing, I was neglecting the God gift within, I was not walking in obedience to the call.  For a long time, I suppressed my voice and declined any opportunity to sing and of course with the dormancy I lost my singing ability.      

My perspective in that case allowed me only to see God as Elohim Qana (Jealous God)- I did not allow for Him to shine through in my life as Jehovah Shammah (God of Righteousness). The awesome thing about God is that no matter how small a box we put Him inside it does not change who He is and what He can do.

To be able to play a musical instrument was always a dream of mine and as a teenager I got that opportunity through my church music department. I was well on my way to achieving my dream to play.  I attended music class at our church and my music teacher was the incomparable Rev. Dr Conrad Howell, at the time he was just Bro. Conrad, or Bro. C.  He is now deceased, and I pause to pay homage to him and his gift of music.  

I was learning the piano and I loved it, I worked hard at it and embraced every opportunity to become good at playing.  I did not have a keyboard at home to practice on, so I devised a plan, and it was working well for a while.  With permission I would go down to the church early enough before each weeknight service and practice on the church’s keyboard. Thankfully for me we had service from Monday to Friday (and practice or Dorcas Club on Saturdays) so that worked out very well for me.  During my private practice sessions sometimes, I would have an audience of one (Bishop James who was Pastor then). He would always encourage me, and he would call out hymns from the hymn book for me to try. One of his favourites was Hand in Hand with Jesus.  This went on for a while, I never told anyone, not even my family. Maybe they figured I was very enthusiastic about going to church, yes, I was but the motivation to get there so early was so that I could put in some practice time. 

I remember winning an award for my diligence in music and Mr. Howell thought I had great potential. Sadly, that came to a halt and I know that he was disappointed in my decision to quit, and so was I.  I made the decision to quit because I was angry and hurt and ashamed all due to the opinion and false accusation of one solitary individual who sought to discourage and kill my sincere efforts.  One fateful day my dad confronted me about a rumour he heard about me using disguise of church attendance and practise to meet up with boys. To say the least he was furious and unhappy and even though I kind of explained myself, my dad of course being who he was, his intention was to keep the peace and avoid any contention, my permission was revoked from the early trek to the church on weeknights and attend when the rest of my family attended to avoid any more discord or hearsay. My practice time was confined to the allotted practice time with the regular music class sessions.  My dad did not say I was not allowed to play or attend the classes anymore, even though that is what I heard at the time because I felt betrayed by the instigator. 

Your perspective will either enlighten you or it will cloud your judgment.  For a while I allowed my perspective to cheat me of fulfilling a call and embracing wonderful gifting.  If your perspective is fuelled by another person’s opinion or lack of insight, you will always miss out on some great advances and opportunities. When you change that functionality, you will then be able to operate with confidence at the fullest potential God has placed within you.  

Not pursuing the art of music is a regret I choose not to linger on, there is still an opportunity to take it up again, and I can report that I lift my crackling voice making a joyful noise to the Lord, and sometimes I do hit the right notes.

  Excerpt from – The Mind  of  Jesus by John MacDuff 1870

How far short we are of such a criterion — our mournful experience can testify. But it is at least comforting to know that there is a day coming, when, in the full vision and fruition of the Glorious Original, the exhortation of our motto-verse will be needed no more; when we shall be able to say, in the words of an inspired apostle — "We have the MIND OF CHRIST!"     

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." (Phil 2:5) "I am meek and lowly in heart." — Matthew 11:29. In great minds, there is often a beautiful blending of majesty and humility, magnanimity and lowliness. The mightiest and holiest of all Beings that ever trod our world — was the meekest of all.    ww.gracegems.org/MacDuff/Mind_of_Jesus.htm

 Read: Philippians 2 NIV - Imitating Christ’s Humility - Bible Gateway

Prayer: Sovereign God, Faithful Father and Friend, thank you for Your forgiveness and love every day.  Help us to grow in You with the mind of Christ walking in obedience to Your word and spreading the light of Your salvation to all. In Jesus name Amen.

 Stay aware and be confident in yourself and your God given abilities and shine.

Love and Blessings

Mauricia

Letting Go

 Letting go has always been an issue for me no matter what that was.

Letting go somehow represented the end of things for me, it represented dismissal. I realised that letting go took away any control I may have over a situation surrounding my life and that did not sit well with me. 

I have held on to things not grudgingly but as validation that something happened, my way of acknowledging it happened particularly if I felt it was overlooked, dismissed, or disregarded as important.

I’ve held on to hurts and disappointments because it helped me to feel, I didn’t want to feel numb and invisible- those feelings reminded me that I was alive, because there were times when I wished I was not or that I never existed.  I have always felt things deeply, emotionally and at times it would seem as if I would be consumed by it so I would figure out how to rein it in and control it.

I have experienced grief in many different forms, and in each of those instances I’ve held onto it controlling it and not wanting to let go of it because I felt if I did I would forget, or that what I was grieving the experiences of  what I had lost would be gone forever.  I have grieved the loss of close friends, relatives and what may seem neurotic to you, parts of my life.  I have held on to it all because I did not want to lose the memories, the experiences I have had with those individuals or those life moments.

Realisations

•  I realise for a long time I was grieving the loss of my career life, even  though the decision to leave the secular work (9 to 5) was  a personal conscious and convicted decision, I was grieving the loss of what that entailed.  I loved the work I did, I loved knowing that each day what awaited me were challenges I took joy in figuring out, I loved problem shooting and problem solving, I loved sharing that knowledge with my colleagues and the daily interactions.
•   I realised that I was grieving the loss of my youth, I was excited when I turned 40yrs old, but then I began to reflect and wondered what the next half of my life would be like and I couldn’t see anything worthwhile so I tried to hold on to what I had already experienced.  Even though I’ve gotten beyond that point in my life and enjoying being 50 plus it was quite a journey getting here and learning many things about myself along the way and growing in such a way I could never imagined.  I would have never found and loved 50 plus me if I had not learned to let go and live.
• I realise that I was grieving the fact that I no longer had adolescent children, they were grown and independent and found that instead of cutting the apron strings, I was only extending them on each of my beautiful children.  Bless their hearts they have been patient with me and given me time to get to that place of gradually cutting those strings at my own pace.  I am enjoying a wonderful adult relationship with each of them.  Imagine what I would have been missing out on if I had not learned to let go.  I am still a work in progress.
• I realised that I have been grieving the loss of a few friendships, but eventually relinquished the idea of those friendships and held on to the season’s blessings they were in my life. Room was made for greater.
•   I realised that I was grieving the loss of my freedom, yep my freedom. This was a recent occurrence when I lost about 80% of the vision in one of my eyes including peripheral and I was dealing with an illness that practically took away all my independence.  I could not drive, and I had to limit my exposure to regular daily normal life interactions, and it frightened me. With some adjustments to create my new normal of functioning and navigating through it all I am regaining some independence. I realised that all was and is not lost.
•  I have lost some incredibly special people in my life, a few, some time ago and a few most recently and the reality of those losses carried such a weight that at times it just seems as if I would go under and stay under.  I tried to control my grieving process because I felt it, I could not bear the thought of living life without each of them.  I held on to my grief because I felt if I did, I was not ready to accept the reality of them really being gone. I Thought if I didn't hold on to the grief that I would forget them and I was not ready for that.  I tortured myself with what could have and what should have happened. 

The turning point for me really and strangely was the death of my dad.  Losing my dad was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life and do not wish it on anyone, but such is life.  Losing dad was so indescribable, I realise I could not do it alone, it was surely beyond me and I needed help. I could not hold on to the grief or it would destroy me.  I found such a deliverance through this process of grieving for my dad.  A lot of hidden stuff began to surface that could not be ignored, I had to face them once and for all.  For the first time I reached out to some important people in my life, I opened a door that some of them had never been allowed to walk through,  I remember one of them saying to me – “it is time for you to let folks be there for you, the way you’ve always been there for them, let me be to you what you’ve been to me” they were saying lean on me, I am here for you.  I found a greater bond with some amazing sisters and sister-friends, even brother-friends.

I heard the words let it go again and this time I really listened, and I have been learning to let go.  I realise that in trying to control every aspect of my life, I was taking away my own freedom.

Learning to let go has also been a spiritual journey for me, it has allowed for me to experience the Grace of God in such a powerful lifechanging way. I have experienced a new level of surrendering and embracing what God’s purpose is for my life in the earth.  I realise that there is so much more He requires of me, so much more He has purposed for me and I just have to let go and let God do the work in and through me.  What a liberating feeling that is.  I am not there yet, but I am on an amazing path experiencing an amazing journey in Christ Jesus.  In letting go of my stuff, it allows me to be vulnerable and there is no shame in that. It is not a sign of weakness, but it shows my humanity.

I gained freedom in letting go and I found my identity, in letting go I am finding out more of my purpose, in letting go I am finding my deliverance,  in letting go I am finding God…

Grief is an emotion that will encompass our lives continuously, it will vary considering the circumstances but what matters is how we manage it. 

I have found several ways that helps me to give way to my varying grief scenarios.

1.     Writing/journaling I write what I feel sometimes, and I can share what I write and sometimes it is just for self-therapy.

2.     Singing and listening to music, songs that uplift and tells a story that I can identify with, songs that allows me to worship God while going through the process.

3.     Reading inspirational writings and better yet scriptures and meditating on it.  Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path Ps 119:11 has been so true and relevant to me recently.  When I am low in spirit a scripture comes to mind and I would read and meditate on it and it brings me comfort and clarity; I gives me directions and instructs me accordingly.

4.     Prayer, it is the key _ I have found prayer – talking with God - so vital in my process.  My prayer has become more and more intimate conversations with Him, and I know He is listening because I can feel his presence even when I have no audible words.  Because His Spirit is within me, He knows my heart and understand when I have no words to say (Rom. 8:14-16)

5.     Talking to someone sharing what I feel has helped.  This was a big one for me also, I am good at keeping things bottled up suppressing it until it reaches boiling point. But I have been learning to be open about a lot of things and letting go gives way to being completely honest and transparent with oneself and others.

6.    Tears – in allowing myself to cry it helps to release the pent-up pain, unresolved hurts, and disappointments, alleviates the sorrow that comes with the grief.  (this is still a work in progress for me though) because sometimes I feel once I start to cry the tears will not stop flowing, but they eventually do until another time.  The tears that I cry kind of brings relief and allows the joy to flow from my soul. It feels cleansing and refreshing and it seems to make the weight a little lighter.  I believe that the psychology of humanity affirms that tears is beneficial to a person’s emotional wellbeing and dealing with life’s traumatic experiences. I read recently that “crying is a natural response humans have to a range of emotions, including sadness, grief, joy and frustration; and that emotional tears contains a higher level of stress hormones than other types of tears.”  _{Online Article excerpt from Medical News Today}

But beyond the psychological aspect of it scripture records a time in David’s life when in despair he found comfort in knowing that God did not disregard his tears – Psalms 56:8 NLT You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. My tears are important to God, He understands every tear drop.    

Letting go to Life’s Seasons

When God created this earth He also designed the seasons, Spring a time of  birthing, newness, and planting; Summer, a time for growth and development while we enjoy what Spring has brought to us it also allows time for the seeds planted in the Spring to grow; Autumn/Fall, when the harvest comes what was planted has now come to maturity, and we reap the joys and fruits that Spring has promised, it also signifies the end of the crops with hopes to plant again so, the crops are harvested and everything changes and becomes lifeless until… Winter  comes and compacts the ground again (in some places snow and ice) which keeps the ground wet and nourished until the new season of Spring comes again and the cycle continues.  What am I saying? there are seasons in our lives and we have to learn to identify with each of  them; Spring lets go to Summer- Summer lets go to Autumn and Autumn lets go to Winter and so on to keep the cycle of life going.  It is the same in our lives, but we tend to want to hold on to what was because of fear, ignorance or whatever not realising we cannot enjoy what is next until we move away from what was.  God can breathe life into anything, any situation because He is life but there are some things He has to remove from our lives and remove us from so that His purpose can be fulfilled in and through us.  In some instance that was my realisation, that I was holding on to some dead stuff in my life which was keeping me from moving into my purpose. Not until I relinquished my hold on those things am I able to experience the fullness of His presence and will in my life.  Letting go is not an easy thing to do, it is a process, but you have to begin from some place and that is what I did.  I made a step, and you know what I am not alone, when I let go, I know that God has still got me.

So, where do I go from here, I keep moving forward, I keep trusting God, I keep leaning into Him because His love and grace sustains me, and I am not alone. I realise that when I let go, I experience the joy of being carried and hidden in God’s secret place, and I am content.

 

Prayer 

 Sovereign God, Faithful Father, thank You

Thou art my hiding place and my shield; I hope in thy word. Ps 119:114 Amen

 

Let it go my friends

Much love Mauricia

 

 

 

Hannah's Prayer

1 Samuel Chapter 1

So during a period of quiet time and isolation not from covid-19 but from the stresses and busyness of life, my mind turned to Hannah. I found that I could not find the words to articulate what I was feeling, I was so overwhelmed, and my thoughts were turned to Hannah. I remembered that Hannah had come to a place of despair and desperation in her life situation. Like Hannah, in the then current circumstances, feelings of being treated unfairly or forgotten began to take its toll on my emotional and mental wellbeing, which is prime fertilization for bitterness. What is amazing is that Hannah made a conscious decision to make her petition directly to God. Scriptural history indicates that during this time Israel was flailing in with their God relationship, but Hannah felt a confidence that she could go the God and make her petition known. She went directly to God not to the priest.

I am intrigued by Hannah’s extraordinary example of faith and prayer also the compassion of her husband Elkanah as scriptures noted that he would give her a double portion of the offering presentations when they would go up to temple for worship and offer up their sacrifices to the Lord(vs 5 & 8). With all the contention within their home with Peninnah her nemesis who had a caboodle of children, mocking Hannah at every opportunity, Hannah did not retaliate but she would go to temple and pour out her anguish and bitterness to God. Scripture records Hannah’s prayer she prayed before receiving her answer – a sincere prayerful vow.

Hannah’s Prayer – 1 Samuel 1: 11

“O Lord of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction (bareness and misery) of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life, and there shall no razor come upon his head.”

Hannah longed for something and she was deliberate in her asking, she was deliberate and sincere with her vow, she could and would not rescind and it would be recorded for all time, most of all in heaven. She acknowledges God as the one true God who could help her, Jehovah – "the existing One”. Everything begins and ends with Him, there is no other power and Hannah had tapped into that grand resource. So in that moment when confronted by Eli and she acknowledged that she was not drunk nor of Belial, that she was petitioning God because of the misery she was experiencing, Eli’s anointing as priest and prophet was ignited and he spoke a prophetic word of knowledge to Hannah and sent her on her way home. Vs 17 “Go in peace: and the God of Israel grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him.” Without argument or hesitation, but gratitude she went home; vs 18 “And she said, Let thine handmaid find grace in thy sight. So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad.” 

Hannah’s prayer vow was bold to say the least, she committed her unborn son to a life of servitude to God in the temple away from her, she understood love and the unconditionality of it. Love of God and for her son. Hannah saw no other way to show her gratitude to Jehovah, but to give back what she so desperately desired and prayed for God’s plan unfolding. Things that I contemplated as I explored Hannah’s prayer: -

1. Did she make the vow without talking with her husband or did she know her husband’s response would favour it?

 - Ellicott’s commentary

1.1. She vowed a vow; knowing that her husband would willingly consent to it, otherwise she had not power to do it.

1.2. All the days of his life; not only from his twenty-fifth to his fiftieth year, as all the Levites, and so he himself, were obliged by God, Numbers 4:3 8:24, but for his whole time; which is still to be understood with a reservation of God’s right, which her now must give place to, as indeed it did; for God called him to be a prophet, and a general of the army, and a judge.

1.3. There shall no razor come upon his head, i.e. he shall be a perpetual Nazarite; for under this one rule, as the chief, all the rest are contained; as elsewhere the whole Mosaical law is understood, under the title of circumcision.

Samuel was what the Talmud calls a perpetual Nazarite.

{The Talmud is the central text of Rabbinic Judaism and the primary source of Jewish religious law (halakha) and Jewish theology. – not to be mistaken for the Torah - The Talmud is the compilation of the historic rabbis "discussing" or "debating" what the Torah means.} Wiki

2. Her prayers were sincere and maybe selfish at first; but

3. Her act was selfless, and she asked nothing in return.

4. She was content with seeing her son during her yearly trips to temple

5. She had a true reverence for God

6. In Hannah’s desperation to be like the other women in her village, to bare children she managed to  stand out unlike no other in her time, because she dared to exercise her faith in God and worshipped Him in true form by surrendering all.  In actual fact, it was no longer about her but about honouring God.

As parents, mothers particularly we tend to hold our children close and tightly and as praying mothers, we tend to pray prayers that are within our favour over our children. There is nothing wrong with that except that we are to be careful that our prayers are not contrary to what God’s plans are. Hannah merely vowed to dedicate her son to a lifetime of servitude in the temple but God had greater plans for Samuel’s life.

The vow of Hannah contained two solemn promises—the one pledged the son she prayed for to the service of the Eternal all the days of his life. The mother looked on to a life-long service in the ritual of the Tabernacle for him, but the Being who heard her prayer destined her son for higher work; in his case the priestly duties were soon merged in the far more responsible ones of the prophet—the great reformer of the people.

The second promise undertook that he should be a Nazarite. Now the Nazariteship included three things—
· the refraining from intoxicating drinks,
· the letting the hair grow, and the
· avoiding all ceremonial defilement by corpses even of the nearest kin. 'Ellicot'

Someone shared something with me recently that is rather radical, a word from the Lord – “Stop praying until you become serious about what you want from Me”. When we go into our closets and close the door, signifying, “ this is between You and me God”, the mood is set in anticipation for entrance into the throne room to set petitions before God in faith and complete trust. That’s worship because the acknowledgement is there that, only You LORD I bring this too, because only YOU have the power to deliver, to help, to heal, to break chains, to destroy yokes, to remove curses, to defeat the very demonic spirits from the pits of hell. It is indeed time for we who are watchmen, standing on wall, standing in the gap, gate keepers, prayer warriors and such to PUSH – PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS- this is the time. It matters not if you do in privately, or corporately what does matter is that it is in sincerity. Hannan’s prayer was simple but effective, God saw her heart's intents and desire, the simplicity of her words resonated with what was in her heart and spirit. How do we approach God, do we go before Him with a spirit of competition, or revenge, or formality, do we approach in fear and doubt? If we do then we are blocking our own access to the throne room where lies endless possibilities, miracles, and amazing acts and wonders of God. 

Whatever your Ebenezer is, I encourage you to raise it in worship to God for we have hope of eternal glory and, we have a hope of rest, we have a hope of deliverance and a life to live in abundance even in this present world because of the unfailing love of God and the sacrifice of His only begotten son, whose shed blood covers it all. Hallelujah!

Wow! There is so much more to glean from Hannah’s example of faith, trust and worship I encourage you to dig deeper, there is more that is required of us as functioning believers and there is so much more available to us from the throne of God.

Prayer: Sovereign God, our Father help our unbelief and strengthen us in our faith towards You. Amen

Continue in prayer

much love - Mauricia

Depression Part 3

 Hurt

Merriam-Webster defines hurt: to inflict physical pain; wound or to cause emotional pain or anguish; to offend.

Emotional pain quite often goes unchecked and disregarded I guess because in many instances it is usually a one-sided affect.  Meaning, so many times when the emotional pain is given to venting the offender is lost to what the offended is going on about because the painful incident was only felt by the offended and the offender is oblivious of it.  Fear of rejection or ridicule causes the offended to supress the offense and it can fester and grow until it precariously erupts. The effects of the eruption sometimes cover a magnitude of innocent bystanders.  It is up to every individual to take responsibility for their own personal wellbeing and wholeness if an offense has happened make the decision to confront it sooner rather than later.  Immediate reaction is not the best response for all instances but if you want resolution, some form of confrontation must take place. 

Confrontation does not have to be an aggressive and loud interlude; it can be a peaceful and mature dialogue interaction between each other.  I remember growing up, at one stage of my life I was very reactive and then there was a time when I would just completely withdraw and try to disconnect myself from the issue completely.  Then for a greater period I was an aggressive confronter, but never on my behalf, it would always be in defence of someone else.  I was able to do for others what I could not do for myself.  (self-worth dilemma?)  Hindsight realisation, I did not value myself enough to fight for me, doing it for someone else somehow in my thinking would give me some type of self-worth.  Messed up right? But that is how a broken and hurting individual thinks and operates.  I am so thankful to God that He did not give up on me.  He pursued me with unconditional love and faithfulness, He validated what I was feeling but He also showed me that I did not have to carry all that baggage of thinking less of myself I was loved unconditionally. Jesus suffered such pain and agony for me so that I will not have to bear it all.

Forgiveness- the act of offering pardon for wrongdoing; remission of sins

Forgiveness plays an important role in the journey to wholeness and wellbeing of any individual dealing with hurt. To be honest it is easier said than done. In my family, we have just experienced one of the worst imaginable events in our lives, my dad was murdered in his home by intruders and being the person that he was, he died defending his family.  In the midst of dealing with his death and trying to make sense of it my mom who has always been the heart of our family is such a great example of grace under fire, strength and love and to top it off forgiveness just pours from her very soul towards the perpetrators of the heinous crime against our family. My father was also a great example in being a peacekeeper and forgiveness, I can remember him always saying, “just say sorry” or “ask pardon” or “leave it”.  It was not that he excused bad behaviour or wrongdoing, but he was all for mending broken fences, forgiving, and moving forward.

I believe it was about two days after my father’s death that my mom gathered the family together for prayer. In sharing her heart, she exhorted on the importance to forgive and not be drawn away into anger through our grief.   She wasn’t saying not to grieve or be angry, but the word of God admonishes, to be angry and sin not (Eph.4:26) but that we as a family our foundation is founded on Godly principles  and if we are to maintain the legacy of her husband, our dad then we must forgive.  I expected that admonition because, I know that my parents always practice what they preach.  I would be dishonest if I were to say that we are all at that place of forgiving, but it is a work in progress.  Personally, I have been angry over this senseless act of violence and I am still working through that but my earnest prayer has been “Father God, help me to not be bitter, prepare my heart so that I may forgive those who took my father away from his family”.  For me it is a daily process, I have envisioned myself extending the hand of forgiveness – who am I to withhold compassion and forgiveness from those individuals who are being held captive by the chains of sin.  God loves them and He sent Jesus to die  for those individuals the same as me and you.  To live without forgiveness, I imagine is total misery and I can honestly say it is not my place to try to exact revenge or spew hate towards them.  What happened was the worst that they could have done to our family, but the blood of Jesus provided a grace to us that is by far greater than all our sins individually and all together. 

Forgiveness

Seventy times Seven

Years ago I thought I had experience the worst hurt ever I felt so devalued  and hurt by an offense that I let it festered into so many different emotions the most devastating was that I found myself harbouring the sin of unforgiveness.   The Holy Spirit took me to Matthew 18. How many times I was unfaithful in my walk with God, I was disobedient, I disregarded His word, even in that instant I saw how merciful He was to me while I was yet in sin-harbouring the sin of forgiveness, Jesus’ death on the cross for me was so real – reality check – who was I to withhold forgiveness or  extend grace to anyone.  In my humanity the memory lingers but the hurt has faded. I overcame the pain and hurt through Jesus Christ – Not by might, not by power but by my Spirit, saith the Lord. Neh 4:6. So when the memory of that offense is inflicted upon me, I forgive again and again and that’s how my wholeness is being knitted. “Seventy times seven” and over again.  This  is what I must do towards my father’s killers.  In my own humanity I do not think that they deserve my forgiveness, but I do not function in my humanity alone because I am a child of God and His Holy Spirit lives within me, and through him I am able to forgive this sin against my family again and again.  For the rest of my life will I be doing this, I do not know but for now this is how my healing takes place by extending grace.   Should I live my life with unforgiveness, the same fate awaits me as those who have done this crime without remorse and repentance which is eternal separation from God.  Life may seem unfair, but God is just and righteous and does all things well. 

I am by no means perfect, nor do I have this all figured out but it is a day by day, process of trusting and releasing all that I am feeling to God, I choose to accept this invitation from Jesus himself,

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

What is it that you are holding onto, what weight are you carrying today?  Your hurt and pain or grief, your disappointments, your anger and bitterness whatever it is are indeed acknowledged (you who are weary and heavy-laden, come) but Jesus came to give you so much more that what you can see and feel now. Being stuck in your misery is not living life at all, just surrender it all to Him today.

I have been trying to complete this final part in my series for months the weekend of my father’s death I made my last attempt and could not, now I understand why…Sovereign Father, You are faithful, You are great and mighty. You know my beginning and my end, the script of my life is Yours to unfold and although the events of May 3^rd came as such a shock to us, You were not unaware of it at all, You were always with us in that moment even with my dad, my mom and my sister.  You held onto my dad as he made his final stand here on this earth, and I can say with confidence that he finished well, thank you Father God for that assurance. I pray all who may be dealing with their own circumstance of life be strengthened and take courage in knowing that You are with us and extends to us Your arms of compassion and comfort and the only requirement is that we lean into your embrace and draw from You all that we need to thrive and survive in this life. Help us to learn true forgiveness and that we would find peace in You.  Thank you for grace and mercy extended to us daily, thank You for loving us all unconditionally, thank You for being a good, good Father to us.  May we all embrace the light of Your son and be a true reflection of Him to those we meet every day of our lives for Your glory. Amen

This concludes the series on Depression, I hope and pray that by sharing some of my story and my process that you have been helped and encouraged.  God can use the worst of our life’s circumstances the same as He can the best of them, but we must surrender them all to Him.  By no means have I mastered all of what I have talked about I am indeed still a work in progress God is still working on me and unfolding some wonderful things in my life while I face even the worst of times.  I am not deterred by any of it because I am not alone, and you should not be either. I encourage you be diligent in seeking God and pursuing his will and purpose for you.  Wholeness is what God desires for us in mind, body, and spirit; while He is the source of all that we need, He has provided other tangible avenues for our wellbeing by way of counsellors and therapists, doctors, friends, pastors etc.  Ask Him for guidance in finding what you need to help you through your process.  According to Dr Tony Evans, ‘Encouragement that calms fear’; “when God is not a factor in your healing process, feeling sorry for yourself and you’re talking to yourself about yourself is a bad combination when you are depressed, depression gets worse when there’s nobody in your life to change your thinking”  and I agree so find someone who you can trust to talk to.  If you are looking for an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on or just a prayer, I am here for you.  Be encouraged the best is yet to come.  I hope you continue to journey with me as I continue to share my heart of what God has placed within.  Upcoming posts to look for are The Lifestyle of set-apartness (Purity), Thy Will be Done and Hannah’s Prayer.

 Love and Blessings

Mauricia

The Lifestye of set-apartness

In the societies of the world today, there is extraordinarily little regard for what the Word of God has to say about daily living.  It is all about self needs, self-love, do what makes you feel good, what gives you the edge as a trendy individual, and fitting into the mold of what everyone else is doing.  Keep reading there is something here for the Christian and the non-Christian.  I believe there is a word for you today.

The ideology of religion and Christianity has been confused and intertwined by the masses to confuse and hide the truth and of course this is foremost on Satan’s agenda to bring confusion into the minds of people and deter them from the truth-God. 

I will not attempt to use the fancy and sometimes confusing theological terminologies (I have nothing against that if it is your cup of tea) but there are times when a matter calls for just being plain and simple. 

Religion - the idea of a greater source or power, God beyond humankind, something which orders the greater scheme of things.  There are those that incorporate and dictate certain disciplines but lack the spiritual connection with the Sovereign God. There are also some religions that involve the worshipping and praying to various gods relative to creation, earth’s elements and in some cases a self or culture selection of a divine human being.  They also indicate that one is in control of one’s own destiny and that one is a god in and of oneself.

Christianity - the obvious difference is Christ the person, with the belief and conviction that He dwells in the hearts of men who accepts Him as their personal Saviour.  His earthly story begins when He came from heaven to earth, born as a baby to the virgin Mary.  The main purpose for coming to earth was to reconcile mankind back to God.  It does not end there but in Christianity there is a hope that we will have eternal life in heaven with God; should we remain on the path of righteousness until death or until He returns.  This brings me to the purpose of this writ the concept of living a life of purity.

I imagine that when Jesus delivered the Sermon  on the Mount/Beatitudes (Matt. 5:1-12, 13-14) it was a really bright and sunny day and having his disciples, along with the crowds that followed him, sitting on a grassy hillside Jesus paused  thinking; this is the perfect time to render a teaching on the moralities of life and Christian living. 

Purity – to be chase; to abstain from immoral sexual conduct,  modes; plain decency, innocent; void of guilt, not given to trickery in any dealings…Matthew 5: 8 states, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” simply put right? But for further clarification I love how my Thomas Nelson Woman’s Study Bible (a beautiful birthday gift from my family) puts it ‘a lifestyle of set-apartness, including thoughts and actions’.  This speaks to the lifestyle of a Christian“…, Holiness without which no man shall see the Lord.” The Sermon on the Mount is for everyone, but it speaks directly to the expectation of Christian living.  Having a religious perspective would move one to memorise and recite the beatitudes and maybe try to live by most of it, but as a Christian the perspective towards character building and transformation.   Carrying the label of Christianity states that one has accepted Jesus as Saviour with the assurance of the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit in one’s life.  The Holy Spirit dwells within to give direction and strength and boldness to live this type of life out loud among family, friends, and colleagues alike. Living a life of purity is nothing that can be achieved alone with self-will and discipline but by The Spirit of God who lives within.  So, purity, what does that look like in the life of a Christian?

Purity - A lifestyle of set-apartness, including thoughts and actions -

Lifestyle indicates a day to day function that identifies the individual with a set of morals and character standing that sets you apart from a non-Christian, your convictions and ideas, your interactions with others.  Psalms 24:4:6NIV He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the God of his salvation. This is the generation of those who seek Him, _ even Jacob.   David in one of his many rhetoric, of the wonder of Sovereign God and feeling his smallness and unworthiness before Him, asks and answers the question, vs 3&4 “who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? When you come to the realisation of the sovereignty of God self-reliance is no longer part of your life’s equation. Self-introspection causes you to question, “who am I?, to think that I could control my destiny and live selfishly after my own worldly desires most of which goes against God’s plan and purpose for my life.  We live in a world that tells us:

1. it is okay to tell a lie if it is for a good reason, meaning if it will benefit the individual's personal agenda;
2. it is okay to see wrong-doing and not do or say anything about it, when it does not affect your personal well-being;
3. nobody is interested in your stand on what is right from wrong;
4. it is nobody's business that I am having an extramarital affair, we are both accountable adults;
5. it is okay to have a sexual relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend we love each other / we are engaged (we are practically married);
6. we can't control  who we fall in love with, the heart wants what it wants no matter what including homosexual and adulterous relationships;
7. revenge is justifiable and sweet;
8. prey on the weak and despise the less fortunate.
9. It is okay to cheat as long as it does not hurt anyone as along as I come out on top.
10. I did not act on it, I just thought about it.

There are so much more that can be added to this list, but I dare to say that these are all lies from the pit of hell from the voice of the enemy of our souls, Satan. Satan is the father of lies and he will use every opportunity to infiltrate our hearts and our lives to turn us away from Father God.  Of ourselves we are no match against Satan, we cannot resist his evil intents but by the grace of God when we fail, we are brought to a place of forgiveness and wholeness through Jesus Christ.  Purity - A lifestyle of set-apartness, including thoughts and actions is a daily endeavour for a child of God.  Each day God gives us grace for what faces us to overcome the challenges of the day.  We should live our lives with the mind and desire to please God in all that we do, to receive His approval at the end of it all.  Nathan’s reprimand by the Spirit of God to David after his tryst with Bathsheba and the successful plot to kill her husband, was cutting and also healing.  David prayed a prayer that we as Christians should pray daily, we have a tendency to be caught up in self-righteousness, (thank you Sovereign Father for your grace and mercies).

“Create in me a pure heart, O God,

And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from Your presence

And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation

And sustain me with a willing spirit.

 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,

And sinners will be converted to You.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,

the God of my salvation;

then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.”

Psalms 51:10-14

Surrendering of our wills, should be a part of our daily exercise in Christian living. God knows the mind and heart of mankind. Surrendering mind, body and spirit to the will of God; who wants only all that is good for his children. He knows our beginning and our end, so when He directs, you’d better believe He knows what He’s doing and yield in obedience.  David continued his prayer in Psalms 51:15-17 to say 

“Ó Lord, open my lips that my mouth may declare Your praise.  

For You delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; 

You are not pleased alone with burnt offering. 

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;

 a broken and contrite (repentant) heart, 

O God, You will not despise.”

My fellow Christian Believers, it is possible to live a pure life without reproach in this world, because the Spirit of God dwells within us giving us all that we need for our individual journeys.

If you have been struggling in your walk with God or maybe you’ve  given up because it all seems impossible here is Christ’s personal response to you: “…My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” And I hope that your response to Him would be, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9  When you are weak and find yourself no match for the enemy’s temptations in the form of peer pressure and influences, circumstances of life, then you will be strong because God’s grace is indeed sufficient.

Maybe, all of the above is why you have been putting off accepting Jesus as your saviour. Satan has be showing you what you will miss out on, and of course he will never show you the the benefits of trusting God. You are loved by God and it is not His will that you perish, He gave His only son to die for you so that you may live. That you would live a life full and free from guilt, and free of the weight of sin...why not give your life to Jesus. Let God take care of those vices that enemy tells you that you can't live without.  Let God lead your heart, so far you've made some really bad choices, but Sovereign God says to you today, "I AM the LORD who heals and delivers, I AM the Restorer, I can make all things new".  Why not give Him your heart today.  His love for you is unending and His mercies are new every morning_"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentaions  3:22,23

Prayer: Sovereign God, I give you honour and glory because of who You are, thank You for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ, and His shed blood for our sins.  Thank you for new mercies every day that brings us into fellowship with You every day of our lives.  Lord that we may live a surrendered life to You daily, being light to those that we encounter on our life’s journey and that by our life living, You would be glorified and mankind would come to know you personally in Jesus’ name. Amen

May the peace of God which passes all understand keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus.

 Love and Blessings

Mauricia