Hurt
Merriam-Webster defines hurt: to
inflict physical pain; wound or to cause emotional pain or anguish; to offend.
Confrontation does not have to be
an aggressive and loud interlude; it can be a peaceful and mature dialogue
interaction between each other. I
remember growing up, at one stage of my life I was very reactive and then there
was a time when I would just completely withdraw and try to disconnect myself
from the issue completely. Then for a
greater period I was an aggressive confronter, but never on my behalf, it would
always be in defence of someone else. I
was able to do for others what I could not do for myself. (self-worth dilemma?) Hindsight realisation, I did not value myself
enough to fight for me, doing it for someone else somehow in my thinking would
give me some type of self-worth. Messed
up right? But that is how a broken and hurting individual thinks and
operates. I am so thankful to God that
He did not give up on me. He pursued me
with unconditional love and faithfulness, He validated what I was feeling but
He also showed me that I did not have to carry all that baggage of thinking
less of myself I was loved unconditionally. Jesus suffered such pain and agony
for me so that I will not have to bear it all.
Forgiveness- the act of offering
pardon for wrongdoing; remission of sins
Forgiveness plays an important role in the
journey to wholeness and wellbeing of any individual dealing with hurt. To be
honest it is easier said than done. In my family, we have just experienced one of the worst imaginable events in our lives, my dad was murdered in his home by
intruders and being the person that he was, he died defending his family. In the midst of dealing with his death and
trying to make sense of it my mom who has always been the heart of our family
is such a great example of grace under fire, strength and love and to top it off
forgiveness just pours from her very soul towards the perpetrators of the heinous
crime against our family. My father was also a great example in being a
peacekeeper and forgiveness, I can remember him always saying, “just say
sorry” or “ask pardon” or “leave it”.
It was not that he excused bad behaviour or wrongdoing, but he was all
for mending broken fences, forgiving, and moving forward.
I believe it was about two days
after my father’s death that my mom gathered the family together for prayer. In
sharing her heart, she exhorted on the importance to forgive and not be drawn
away into anger through our grief. She
wasn’t saying not to grieve or be angry, but the word of God admonishes, to be
angry and sin not (Eph.4:26) but that we as a family our foundation is founded
on Godly principles and if we are to
maintain the legacy of her husband, our dad then we must forgive. I expected that admonition because, I know
that my parents always practice what they preach. I would be dishonest if I were to say that we
are all at that place of forgiving, but it is a work in progress. Personally, I have been angry over this senseless act of violence and I am still working through that but my earnest
prayer has been “Father God, help me to not be bitter, prepare my heart so that
I may forgive those who took my father away from his family”. For me it is a daily process, I have
envisioned myself extending the hand of forgiveness – who am I to withhold
compassion and forgiveness from those individuals who are being held captive
by the chains of sin. God loves them and
He sent Jesus to die for those individuals the same as me and you. To live without forgiveness, I imagine is
total misery and I can honestly say it is not my place to try to exact revenge
or spew hate towards them. What happened
was the worst that they could have done to our family, but the blood of Jesus
provided a grace to us that is by far greater than all our sins individually
and all together.
Forgiveness
Seventy times Seven
Years ago I thought I had
experience the worst hurt ever I felt so devalued and hurt by an offense that I let it festered
into so many different emotions the most devastating was that I found myself
harbouring the sin of unforgiveness. The Holy Spirit took me to Matthew 18. How
many times I was unfaithful in my walk with God, I was disobedient, I
disregarded His word, even in that instant I saw how merciful He was to me
while I was yet in sin-harbouring the sin of forgiveness, Jesus’ death on the
cross for me was so real – reality check – who was I to withhold forgiveness
or extend grace to anyone. In my humanity the memory lingers but the
hurt has faded. I overcame the pain and hurt through Jesus Christ – Not by
might, not by power but by my Spirit, saith the Lord. Neh 4:6. So when the
memory of that offense is inflicted upon me, I forgive again and again and
that’s how my wholeness is being knitted. “Seventy times seven” and over again. This is what I must do towards my father’s
killers. In my own humanity I do not
think that they deserve my forgiveness, but I do not function in my humanity
alone because I am a child of God and His Holy Spirit lives within me, and
through him I am able to forgive this sin against my family again and
again. For the rest of my life will I be
doing this, I do not know but for now this is how my healing takes place by
extending grace. Should I live my life
with unforgiveness, the same fate awaits me as those who have done this crime
without remorse and repentance which is eternal separation from God. Life may seem unfair, but God is just and
righteous and does all things well.
I am by no means perfect, nor do I
have this all figured out but it is a day by day, process of trusting and
releasing all that I am feeling to God, I choose to accept this invitation from
Jesus himself,
“Come to Me, all who are weary and
heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For
My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
What is it that you are holding
onto, what weight are you carrying today?
Your hurt and pain or grief, your disappointments, your anger and bitterness
whatever it is are indeed acknowledged (you who are weary and heavy-laden,
come) but Jesus came to give you so much more that what you can see and
feel now. Being stuck in your misery is not living life at all, just surrender
it all to Him today.
I have been trying to complete this
final part in my series for months the weekend of my father’s death I made my
last attempt and could not, now I understand why…Sovereign Father, You are
faithful, You are great and mighty. You know my beginning and my end, the
script of my life is Yours to unfold and although the events of May 3rd
came as such a shock to us, You were not unaware of it at all, You were always
with us in that moment even with my dad, my mom and my sister. You held onto my dad as he made his final
stand here on this earth, and I can say with confidence that he finished well, thank
you Father God for that assurance. I pray all who may be dealing with their own
circumstance of life be strengthened and take courage in knowing that You are
with us and extends to us Your arms of compassion and comfort and the only requirement is
that we lean into your embrace and draw from You all that we need to thrive
and survive in this life. Help us to learn true forgiveness and that we would
find peace in You. Thank you for grace
and mercy extended to us daily, thank You for loving us all unconditionally,
thank You for being a good, good Father to us.
May we all embrace the light of Your son and be a true reflection of Him
to those we meet every day of our lives for Your glory. Amen
This concludes the series on
Depression, I hope and pray that by sharing some of my story and my process
that you have been helped and encouraged.
God can use the worst of our life’s circumstances the same as He can the
best of them, but we must surrender them all to Him. By no means have I mastered all of what I
have talked about I am indeed still a work in progress God is still working on
me and unfolding some wonderful things in my life while I face even the worst
of times. I am not deterred by any of it
because I am not alone, and you should not be either. I encourage you be
diligent in seeking God and pursuing his will and purpose for you. Wholeness is what God desires for us in mind,
body, and spirit; while He is the source of all that we need, He has provided
other tangible avenues for our wellbeing by way of counsellors and therapists,
doctors, friends, pastors etc. Ask Him
for guidance in finding what you need to help you through your process. According to Dr Tony Evans, ‘Encouragement
that calms fear’; “when God is not a factor in your healing process, feeling
sorry for yourself and you’re talking to yourself about yourself is a bad
combination when you are depressed, depression gets worse when there’s nobody
in your life to change your thinking” and I agree so find someone who you can trust
to talk to. If you are looking for an
ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on or just a prayer, I am here for you. Be encouraged the best is yet to come. I hope you continue to journey with me as I
continue to share my heart of what God has placed within. Upcoming posts to look for are The Lifestyle
of set-apartness (Purity), Thy Will be Done and Hannah’s Prayer.
Love and Blessings
Mauricia
